Is imitation really flattery?
Intentional imitation vs. natural imitation
For a long time I’ve heard that imitation is the highest form of flattery. There’s a right way to do this which honors the diversity of the people of Church Body. And there’s a wrong way that leaves people vulnerable, angry, or hurt.
When imitation goes wrong
I have a tendency of picking up on people’s mannerisms fairly quickly. It’s those little things that make people uniquely who they are.
Last week, as I was spending some time with songwriters from all parts of the country, I started to pick up on my friend’s mannerism. When she hears something she likes or agrees with she’ll give a short “Mmmm”.
I started to pick up on this and started doing it intentionally. What I thought would be honoring was actually leaving my sister in the Lord vulnerable. She felt like I was making fun of her.
Wow. That changed my perspective on it. I quickly reconciled with her and our friendship was restored.
Letting imitation happen naturally
You’ve probably noticed that when you hang out a group of friends for a long time you’ll pick up on their mannerisms. I think this is a form of imitation that just might be more honoring.
For example, my son, who’s almost 2 years old, is learning a lot through observation. The last time we were in Chicago he started giving my parents a small bow when he greeted them. This is how we greet people with respect in the Korean culture whether it’s an older family member or a stranger.
My parents were so happy about this. They really liked the fact that he was greeting them with a polite bow.
Lesson about imitation
The lesson is quite simple. When we’re trying to absorb and learn the cultures of the people in our church and neighborhood we shouldn’t imitate mannerisms intentionally.
We should be building relationships intentionally and letting someone else’s culture impact/influence our hearts. It’s better for someone to say, “He/She is starting to rub off on you.”
What do you think? Is there a fine line between imitation and flattery? Has this gotten you into trouble with a friend before? How do you do things differently now?
Share your story and your life…
Sincerely,
Peter Park
Blogger/Worship Leader/Speaker
peterpark@redemptionboulevard.com
(800) 453-3284
You seem different
It may not always seem different but people behave differently depending on whether they’re around peers, parents, culture, etc. I don’t mean people are hypocrites. I just mean there are different expectations imposed on people in different areas of life.
My work friend…
When I used to work at the bank a good friend of mine, Margarita, always seemed stressed. Our managers were pressuring her to set a good example for the other tellers to get sales and, often times, she’d be the one to handle a lot of the managerial duties…even though she wasn’t a manager.
Outside of work she didn’t seem as anxious or annoyed at people. She was actually a person with a gentle heart who made a lot of wonderful dishes.
In fact, when I needed someone to watch Gabe while my wife and I went to some event on a Saturday evening, she was totally up for it. She even made my one of my son’s favorite meals…noodles.
And, when we attended her church for a charity event she helped us get situated, as her church consists mainly of Russian speaking members.
The lesson…
The point I’m trying to make is this: there’s more than one side to someone.
You might notice that your friend, who’s Chinese, is really quiet at work, but when he’s around his Chinese friends he’s actually really funny. Or that boss who doesn’t seem to understand you is actually a strong family man.
I want to encourage you to really immerse yourself into the lives of those you’re trying to build a bridge with, especially those people who are from another culture. There are aspects of their lives that we just won’t understand unless we’re spending time with them in the settings where they are most comfortable.
Have you ever been wrong about a person? What caused you to think differently about them? How does this related to building relationships with people of different cultures in a church setting?
Share your story and your life…
Sincerely,
Peter Park
Blogger/Worship Leader/Speaker
peterpark@redemptionboulevard.com
(800) 453-3284